


If You Don't Love Me, Pretend

by fromstarlighttodust



Series: A Drop In The Ocean [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Broken Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Companion Piece, Erwin is just a good man, In more ways than one, My poor babies..., Why is this an actual tag, im a little sorry, maybe for the first time ever, such a good man, uncomfortable sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 14:28:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18994456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromstarlighttodust/pseuds/fromstarlighttodust
Summary: During the years that Levi thought Eren was dead, he slept with Erwin. The real question is how did it come about? The relatively uncomfortable tale of how Levi ended up sleeping with Erwin despite everything.





	If You Don't Love Me, Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, lovelies! This is another companion piece of It's Like Wishing for Rain (as I Stand in the Desert). It should be read after chapter 36 for clarity purposes.

It had been a rough few months. Levi wasn’t alone anymore--hell, at the base he was almost constantly surrounded by people--but the whispers of Eren’s voice still plagued him. They kept him from sleeping, more often than not, calling out to him like if he fell asleep for even a second, he would miss Eren passing through the room. It was affecting his performance.

A night like many before, Levi found himself wandering the halls of the base late at night. Usually others were few and far between at this time of night, but tonight Erwin stuck his head out of his office and beckoned Levi into the room. Levi turned his head down the hallway, where Eren’s voice still called to him, but he obediently followed Erwin into the office. Eren was gone. Eren was...

Erwin looked over Levi once he was seated behind his desk, Levi standing at attention in front of it. “You’ve been doing better,” Erwin said softly.

Levi felt his jaw tick. He couldn’t argue with how much care both Erwin and Hanji had shown him over his time with them, but it was still difficult for him to show them his emotions. They weren’t his family. He had accepted that his family wasn’t coming back to him, but that didn’t mean he was looking for replacements. It would be easier if they just treated him like the soldier he now was. “I’m fine, Commander.”

“I know it’s been difficult for you,” Erwin continued like Levi hadn’t spoken, his voice still that same, soft tone. “Honestly, you’re like a beacon for the soldiers. Your strength is admirable. I want to promote you to captain of the Special Operations Squad, however, I want your input. Would adding that responsibility be too much for you?”

Levi faltered. His whole body jolted at Erwin’s words. A captain? So much responsibility… So many lives that would depend on him… Could he do it? His blaring failure at protecting his family screamed to him. “I…”

“You’re second guessing your abilities,” Erwin cut in. “I can see it. You’re ready to lead the soldiers, Levi.”

Levi stared at him and he could feel the shattered pieces of his heart break further. “I am not a good choice to entrust lives to, Sir.”

“Why do you say that?” Erwin asked, his eyes just as gentle as his voice. Levi hated it. 

“I…” And Levi broke. He could feel the tears fall from his eyes, even as he stared wide eyed and unblinking at Erwin. “I couldn’t protect the ones that mattered most, why would you try and put other lives in my hands? I told you my story. You know what happened to my family.”

“Yes,” Erwin stood and walked around his desk, carefully pulling Levi into a hug that he, for once, didn’t resist. “And I know how hard you fought to protect them. What happened wasn’t your fault, Levi. You are more than qualified for the position.”

“I still hear his voice,” Levi whispered into the broad chest he was pressed against. “He keeps calling out to me like he’s just around the next corner. How am I meant to lead anyone like this?”

Erwin stiffened, but tightened his arms around Levi. “You are stronger than you know. If you believe nothing else I say, believe that. What can I do for you?”

Levi sniffled, trying to stop the tears that seemed to have no end. Maybe… Maybe Levi could take advantage of Erwin’s kindness. It was clear at this point that Erwin didn’t treat him like he did the other soldiers. He was softer with Levi that anyone else except maybe Hanji… And just maybe that would be enough for Levi to exploit so he could move past this hole in his chest. “Help me,” he said quietly, pulling back and looking up at Erwin. “Help me forget him and I will take the position.”

Surprise swirled in the blue eyes that looked down at him, nothing like the bright green ones that Levi longed to see. The arms around him too strong and muscular to be the tanned limbs he wished to be held by. The blonde hair too light and well kept to be the messy brown locks he longed to feel under his fingers, but Levi let his hands run up those arms to tangle into that hair, let his eyes lock with the blue ones. He let it happen because he already lost everything else, his loyalty to Eren was just another thing. Another thing to abandon now that he had nothing left to lose. The lips that met his came from the wrong angle, the body Levi pressed against too tall to be the one he desired, but it was warm and it was  _ there _ and willing. 

Levi let it happen. He let Erwin take control of the kiss, let those strong arms literally sweep him off his feet and press him against the wall, pinned against an entirely too well muscled chest. Erwin was nothing like Eren, but maybe that’s what he needed to move on… Maybe that’s what he needed to forget how his heart was in tatters.

“Are you sure?” Erwin breathed against Levi’s lips.

No. Levi wasn’t sure, but it was all he could think of to force this pain out of the forefront of his mind, and it wasn’t like there was anyone left to judge him for it. Mikasa would have screamed at him. Armin would have looked so sad at his betrayal. Eren would have cried. But they were all gone. They were all… All… 

Levi was nodding before he even really knew it and Erwin kissed him again. Levi let Erwin do anything he wanted, pin Levi to the wall, run his large hands along Levi’s thighs that had wrapped themselves around Erwin’s waist, kiss him breathless, grind their hips together… Levi let Erwin take total control because, even if he was giving away what should only have belonged to Eren, what he should have been able to give to Eren if only he had done his job and protected his family, he wouldn’t give it to Erwin like he did to Eren. To Eren, Levi was the one in control. He was the one with experience, the one who knew how to make sex feel good. He doted on Eren when they had made love, did his utmost best to make Eren enjoy their time together… But he knew he had fucked that up, too. There was always pain in Eren’s eyes when Levi took him and he knew that he couldn’t have done better in their situation, but he should have tried. Should have done  _ something _ to make it easier for Eren…

Erwin’s fingers were inside him. When did that happen? Levi had never,  _ never _ been on this end of sex, and yet… It was fitting. If he wasn’t going to fuck Erwin like he had made love to Eren, the easiest way was this one. It wasn’t comfortable, really, and Levi couldn’t quite figure out what Eren had enjoyed about this, but Levi writhed appropriately. Eventually, the discomfort eased and it was at least a little bit more pleasurable. 

Erwin turned, still holding Levi in the air, his fingers still buried deep in Levi’s ass and walked back to his desk, leaning them down and depositing Levi on it gently. Slowly, he withdrew his fingers and fumbled in his desk drawer until he produced a bottle of lube. He came and stood between Levi’s legs, looking down on him, something warm in his eyes and Levi hated it.

“You’re beautiful, you know,” Erwin said softly, leaning down to kiss Levi.

Levi turned his head at the last second so Erwin’s lips collided with Levi’s cheek. “Enough with the sappy shit and fuck me already.”

“Levi…” Erwin gently cupped one of his huge hands around Levi’s cheek. “You asked me to help you forget. Let me do what you’ve tasked me with correctly.”

Levi squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. When he felt warm breath hovering inches from his lips, he forced the image of emerald pools from his mind and focused on Erwin’s voice. Erwin’s bulk hovering over him. Erwin. “Alright…”

“Let me take care of you,” Erwin said softly and then those lips were on him again, swallowing Levi’s cries as he was split open on a significantly larger cock than he had been anticipating.

He reprimanded himself for never once looking down during this whole process so he could prepare himself for what was coming, but now his body was screaming as Erwin pushed into him and then stilled. It didn’t hurt--Erwin had prepared his hole well and used enough lube to slick up the whole army--but the blonde was clearly well endowed and it was a sensation unlike Levi had ever experienced. He couldn’t say he was a fan. Why had Eren always acted like this was the best thing he’d ever felt?

After some time, Erwin started to gently pump his hips, his cock sliding in and out of Levi. Levi  _ writhed _ . This was worse. It was so much worse. Desperate, he angled his hips, unsure if he was trying to help Erwin along so it would just be over or if he was trying to get away and finally,  _ finally _ he felt some pleasure. With the new angle, Erwin was thrusting straight into his prostate and Levi let himself fall back as his mouth fell open with the overwhelming sensations, little choked noises coming from his throat against his will. Erwin caught his hips before they could fall out of the position Levi had squirmed them into and kept driving into that spot.

“I’m going to cum,” Erwin whispered, breathless.

Levi nodded. “Not…” He couldn’t get anymore words out, not with the feeling of that hard cock pounding into his most sensitive spot. It was too much. He couldn’t, but he didn’t want Erwin to cum inside him. That seemed too intimate for what this was.

Erwin seemed to understand and he pulled out of Levi’s body and lined their cocks up, wrapping one of those too large hands around both of them, stroking.

Levi suffocated the sound of his completion in his bicep, Erwin following shortly after him. When it was all said and done, Levi looked at his soiled stomach and chest in disgust. Erwin huffed out a laugh at the look on his face and gently pressed Levi to lie down against the desk before he disappeared into the bathroom adjacent to his office for a few moments and returned with a towel, wiping Levi down. Levi lay there and let it happen. That seemed to be the mode of this night. Just let it happen.

Erwin disappeared again for a few minutes before he came back and scooped Levi into his arms. Levi shot him a glare that Erwin tastefully ignored before carrying Levi to his bed and depositing him on it, climbing in next to him. Levi lay there, stiff as a board as the man wrapped him up in his arms and held him close.

“Just let me take care of you,” Erwin whispered.

After a some internal debate, Levi relaxed into the embrace. “They’re dead,” Levi said finally. “My family is dead. I accept the position of captain.”

There was pain swirling in Erwin’s eyes, but he just pulled Levi tighter against him and didn’t respond. That night, Levi managed to sleep for a few hours and hated himself for it, even as he knew this wouldn’t be the last time he used Erwin in this way. 

Erwin let him.


End file.
